Sunday, March 29, 2009

My Popsy Doodles-by KA

I do not have the wit of this blogs author. However, he said I have an "in" with him and he allowed me to post. Ever since the Celebration I have had some things I have wanted to say. I don't know if I would have been able to talk that day because I was so emotional and Matt/I felt everyone who came needed the time more urgently than we did. I feel so blessed to have gotten to spend so much time with Pops in his last days. Many times I got to talk with him one on one about how much he meant to me. Now I feel the need to express some of my own grief publicly.

When Matt and I started dating in 1992 we knew pretty quickly that we were now involved in something more serious than our previous relationships. Thanksgiving that year, Matt took me to Dallas to meet his parents. I recall meeting John/Eileen and feeling quite comfortable with both of them. Two things I remember most were, Matt being so impressed with how John took to me, and John having this conversation with me about how I "must" be a runner. I guess he thought with my 95 lb. frame I would be fast and have an easy time running. Little did he know he was looking at his future daughter-in-law whom has never had an athletic bone in her body. That did this year influence my decision to train and run the St.George Marathon, however I was neither fast nor was it easy.

John and I had always been able to tease one another. There was an ease about being with him. Perhaps it was that we had our New England roots, or just that I usually was a daddy's girl and expected the same from him.
John , believe it or not, was not always the easiest person to be around. He definitely had his "moods". Matt was always impressed that I could call him on it and he usually would soften up. He and I also had some real disagreements- especially when he would get so down in his last months with the cancer. I would often hear him talking about wanting to die and would get upset with him stating that it was not yet "his time". One day he got so mad at me stating that 4 people-Matt, Eileen, the doctor and myself were making decisions for his medical care. Mostly this meant that he wanted to go on hospice and we did not feel it was time. He and I were hollering, crying, and before long we were hugging. I guess that my way of dealing with conflict influenced our interactions and more often than not we "grabbed the bull by the horns" and "got er done". I think he respected that about me and we always walked away shaking our heads but also knowing the other person cared.

John always got so mad at me for cooking too much. Anyone that knows me, knows I love to cook, especially for those I love. When John and Eileen would come for a visit I would do a whole spread, of course for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He would get upset that it was meal time already and say I made way too much food. However, he would eat nearly everything I put on his plate and of course had room for dessert too. John and Eileen's traditional eating schedule involved a big lunch meal and smaller dinner. We are more traditional with a big family dinner. I never could get the "big meal of the day" tradition down and overfed him with much chiding from him. I think he enjoyed every minute of it-teasing and the food too.
However, he let me be myself and loved me the way I am.

In his last few weeks, I loved the way he would hold onto the kids when they said goodbye, especially Tatum. I also enjoyed being the only adult that could fit on the bed with him. I would crawl up with him, give him sips of water, coffee, feed him ice cream and rub his head. He seldom flinched and just knew it was his crazy daughter-in-law trying to take care of him the best she could. One day just maybe 10 days before he passed he was not looking well, and all of a sudden he gave me the goofiest look right in my face. None of us that were there with him expected him to be joking around, but he still had a little of that John Humphrey in him I always felt so comfortable with, and we all laughed so hard.
I sure miss that! He will always be my second Pops! That cannot be replaced and will be sorely missed.

There are also the memories of his relationship with God. I will always treasure the family prayers. Of times "singing" grace and just hearing him sing. He had the best resonating bass voice.
I do want to say too that I have appreciated getting to know the Humphrey side of the family. I am now reading George, his Dad's autobiography. Uncle Lee, Uncle Eric, Laura, and the whole clan we love you and are so glad that all of this has brought us closer together. I am more proud than ever to call myself a "Humphrey". There are many aspects of this family that I now fully appreciate seeing John's roots, meeting the clan, etc. John was so proud last summer to send us back to Boston as his family's representative.

I also appreciate getting to know the Johnson/Jensen side of the family. Uncle Gordon, Aunt Maxine, Rodger, Lana and Lynette, thanks so much for coming to the Celebration. I too, am very impressed with this side of the family. I never considered I was a Johnson, but feel so loved and accepted by these folks that I can say I am also Johnson. Roots have always been important to me but now more than ever.

Another thing, I must say, is nowadays I look at Matt and see bits of John, mannerisms, attitudes and actions. I am glad to have a little of Pops here with us everyday. Matt and I both feel like being there with him in his last days was a blessing. I feel like it helped us finally "grow up". Do you believe his last night Matt and I actually slept together in a recliner by his bed?
More than all that I am so glad I know where he is now and that he is pain free, happy and without sadness. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that someday I will see him again. For this I am grateful to God for his gift of salvation through his son Jesus Christ.

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts today. It feels so good to walk down memory lane and remember who he was and try to imagine where he is today.

With much love and much to be grateful for!

Kerry Ann McFadden Humphrey

1 comment:

dan brigham said...

That was absolutely beautiful--it made me weep like a baby. I am so glad that Matt has such a thoughtful and wonderful woman by his side. Your kids are truly blessed.